somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
