I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
