when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
