I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
