He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
