Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
