New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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