I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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