I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
