Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
