I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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