apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
