I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
