It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
