Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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