Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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