i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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