Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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