i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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