I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
