the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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