And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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