so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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