your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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