I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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