Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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