so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
