I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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