This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
