the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
