Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
