we're blogging at a bar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
