It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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