you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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