my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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