I'm so fucking centered right now
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
