apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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