but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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