I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
