I puked a lego.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
