He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
