My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
