Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
