WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
