dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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