WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You are the jesus of drinking
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