adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
