I can text with my tongue
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
