My nipple is on Facebook.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
