Sry I called you an 8
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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