i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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