Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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