Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
