I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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