I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
