were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
